Weddings are not just about the bride - sorry ladies but it's true! It's your man's day too, and your dad's, even if their speeches do refer to you, the whole point of the day is the marriage of your lives together to become a full partnership rather than a take over! Much blood, sweat and tears go into many wedding speeches and often the poor chaps have to sit through a full wedding breakfast knowing that they have to stand up and give a speech afterwards, which can't be great on the nerves. So, today's guest blogger gives some advice on speaking in public to an audience, which of course applies to ladies as well as to any best man or father of the bride!
A TALE OF A TERRIFIED BEST MAN
As I stepped up to the microphone to talk about my friend I had 20 minutes to inform, entertain and acknowledge a crowd who were it was, well in the main, strangers to me. I was petrified – 20 mins how the heck am I going to fill all that time? When I accepted Peter's invite to be his best man, I really had no idea what I was letting myself in for. Apart from all the stag night and the ring, it was my responsibility to look after the groom and that included the stag night. It’s best if we leave that tale for another day!
Once I was into my stride most of the things I had to deal with happened fairly easily. That’s not to say there were no issues, but most of the tasks seemed to follow a fairly natural path. Until the realisation hit me, that in four weeks I had to give a best man’s speech! Now standing there bigging up and embarrassing my friend was a juicy thought. But the closer I got, the more I realised a lot of what I had written was not going to be appropriate. My laddish style was not going to hit the spot, not to mention the jokes I had planned!
During the conversations with Peter and his parents, and the telephone call to the brides parents told me as much. Peter and I went back many years and I could embarrass him royally. But I was told in no uncertain terms, I was to keep it clean. So everything I had decided to use was now useless. It was then I started to get very worried about speaking to a bunch of people I hardly knew.
It was then I experienced the first emotions that were to scare the living what’s’ it’s out of me.
As I later found out, speaking in public is our number one fear. Well in Western societies it is.
Earlier I mentioned the feelings I was starting to experience. And you can feel the fear of speaking, because it’s down to a bunch of chemicals that are let loose on us. These are the same chemicals produced by our brain that we get, when, well you are overtaking a lorry on the Motor way and you get a blow out at 70 mph, in rush hour. Your brain is hard wired to react that way.
The closer it got to the big day the more nervous I felt. It got so bad I went to a hypnotherapist in search of help. On the evening before the wedding I took Peter down to the pub at 9:30 for a last pint or two. After all I was under strict orders to keep him sober. Over a beer I mentioned I was petrified and suggested he might get a replacement! Well what happened was adequate and the end the day went well, and I managed not to offend anyone, And I believe I mentioned all the people who had made the day go well.
The one thing the experience showed me was a singular deficiency that deterred me from speaking to groups. I decided to do something about it and conquer this fear of speaking in public. Five years later I was again a best man and this time I was ready, primed and confident. I had taken a speaking class which had put me on the right road. But what it did was engender a life long love of speaking in public. It is now something I love. So much so a year ago I gave up my job and started teaching people how to speak for a living.
Being able to speak in public should not put anyone off, in my opinion it should be taught in schools, well it is in America
Please feel free to ask me for my ten tips for speaking at weddings, which started out as advice for the best man. And enjoy speaking at weddings, with confidence.
Paul M Johnstone is a Speaker, Trainer and Paradigm Shaker, and been involved professionally in face to face networking for over 20 years. Now specializing in helping people get their message across by speaking to groups. Paul has developed a ground breaking speaking system called On the Money©, sharing with people how they can deliver killer presentations every time. www.paradigmshakers.co.uk and my speaking Blog at http://bit.ly/ql5VKH
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